Installing the version 1.0 patch does nothing to make the game any better. The music still sucks and fails to loop, you’re still able to pass through everything, and none of the physics work. On the positive side, there are a couple of fixes as a result. Remember the Nightride track that previously crashed the game? With the patch installed, you can finally choose to race it. The picture shows a sprawling metropolis at night that looks like something out of Need for Speed Underground. What you’ll in fact get is Devil Passage 1 again. Congratulations, sucker. The patch also cures the silence to go along with the boredom and pain you feel while playing the game with the most annoying noise this side of Fran Drescher in the form of engine sounds. If you’re still holding hope that you’ll get different engine sounds for each truck you play, well, it’s nice to have hope isn’t it? You’ll also get a bunch of numbers below your stats that look like coordinates, but really do nothing for the gameplay and further solidify our biggest suspicions of how much effort was really put into this piece of crap.
The biggest surprise to the patch is that your opponent will actually move….well, kinda. It’s more like they jerk along a predetermined path while floating through the air seeing as though their wheels don’t move or anything. Don’t think for a moment this brings any additional challenge or fun to the game, however, as your opponent will lovingly wait at the finish line for you to cross and beat them once again.
Stellar Stone games, the makers of this as well as other gems like Taxi Racer and Midnight Race Club: Supercharged! have gone the way of the dodo. Performing a Google search on Sergey Titov, Stellar Stone founder and lead producer of Big Rigs shows that he has a Live Journal talking about his current addiction to 24. Maybe next season Jack Bauer can be held hostage with toothpicks keeping his eyes open while he repeatedly plays Big Rigs over and over again, and if he stops, missiles launch for North America. Awesome, who didn't see that one coming? Further searching will show you that Riot Games has recently hired the “Russian genius” as a member of their team. Could this be the same man? Riot Games better hope to hell it’s not. What would you have to gain from the man who led the production of the worst game of all time? Hell, villagers tore down Dr. Frankenstein’s doors armed with pitchforks for the crimes he committed against humanity. For once, Hollywood was smarter than we are.
So now that we’ve gone through Big Rigs for what it really is, let’s revisit our product description and see what we’ve learned:
Big Rigs....IN SPAAAACE
Lesson #1: If Portland, Oregon had palm trees and Miami has mountains, I would believe you.
Lesson #2: Big Rigs offers the ultimate driving rush only if you’re as boring as Steve Sutton.
Lesson #3: Four trucks with trailers? LIES.
Lesson #4: Thousands of miles of roadways would only be entertaining if it didn’t look like I was driving through Texas the entire time.
With Stellar Stone gone and GameMill seemingly washing their hands of this game, it seems that the reign of terror has subsided. This can truly be considered the worst game of all time. If there were ever a definition of everything this site was started - and stands for - this game is it.
Haven't had enough? Watch a race in its entirety here:
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